I've made several posts that I haven't actually published because in the end they didn't feel right. They were about a lot of different things, most of which I can't remember, but some were about my personal views about subjects such as abortion, marriage equality, and the like. I've felt the need to get my views down here so that I can just refer to the posts here instead of re-typing everything over and over again when I get myself into discussions about the subjects. (Which happens a lot, especially on Facebook, because I'm pretty passionate about these subjects. Plus I simply love debating and discussing things.)
I know my words will echo other people, and won't necessarily matter in the grand scheme of things, nor will they necessarily affect anyone, but I think it'll clear up some space in my brain plus save me some time to get them down. Plus I want to post on my blog more because writing is my thing that helps me handle stuff, like life, and I need to keep my writing skills up before I start devolving into someone who can't write the correct their/there/they're in a sentence, which has been happening recently. (Not to mention I need to exercise my vocabulary after being at home with a 5 year old day in and day out...)
I'm also getting bored playing video games on my crackPad, which I do to entertain myself, even when I'm feeling like being creative and stuff. Though it is hard to be creative with words when the Husband hogs the laptop and there's no way I'm going to try typing more than a sentence on the crackPad without a Bluetooth keyboard, which I've been patiently waiting for the last few months...HINTHINTHINT HUSBAND!
Plus maybe I'll avoid a head explosion and/or another ulcer if I get this crap out. The laptop keyboard is already falling apart (we no longer have an 'L' key, most likely thanks to the Kid, though the touch pad underneath where the key was still responds - though it's taken some getting used to...) so smacking it with my forehead wouldn't be a good idea. (It's not even a possibility with the crackPad - too much glass.)
Now if only I can fix this whole creative-juices-waiting-until-sunset-to-flow business, I'll be good...
Feb 11, 2012
The other day I was driving the Kid home from his Judo class when I started thinking a lot about my life, and where I've been versus where I had planned to be. I started to feel overwhelmed and sad because I was feeling like I haven't done anything. I don't have a career, I've made a mess of trying to get a degree, I got sick, I gained weight, I can't get pregnant - just all kinds of thoughts about how I've messed up with my life, how it's not what I envisioned, how I've failed. The worst was thinking about the difficulty I've had getting pregnant again. Watching the Kid play with brothers after Judo, I started to think about what he's missing in his life since I haven't given him any siblings. I mean, since I'm an only child myself (as is the Husband) I know that the Kid will be fine if he's an only for his whole life. But I didn't want that for him. I don't want that. And our family doesn't feel complete yet.